Recently, I’ve been doing some deep “soul searching” in
learning more about forgiveness and building trust.
The last few weeks, I’ve
learned many things in regards to relationships with myself,
God and those who I associate with. I’m usually an easy going person who typically trusts
people very easily, as I was raised to believe that a person is as good as
their word.
Yet lately, this has been a contradiction in many ways – to the
point where I’ve even began thinking those who make false promises or talk a
good game, but can’t back it up.
In doing so, I feel like I’ve given too many chances to
allow some to walk by my side, but instead get some who have walked on me. Yet,
while the other person continues moving forward, I am going backwards wondering
why. I walked into the trap again – forgiving the person in my mind for
what they did, thinking it would be a one-time thing without saying anything and thinking I can trust the person by forgiving them.
I made two mistakes that I should have realized in that
situation:
1) If I am not upfront in how I am feeling, I am
the one to blame.
The only way to keep the relationship real is saying what it is. Some may say you can't say everything or you have to be politically correct. Yet, what I'm talking about is the actual action of saying something -- allowing the other person to
know what you feeling then or within a short amount of time afterwards. If not,
either the situation goes away or you will continue the cycle of not being
heard. Not everyone is an open book or is as transparent as a Facebook status. True
friends should be able to hear and be willing to accept all, including how you
feel. Those who don't aren't worth the investment of your time.
2) Forgiveness is commonly confused with trust.
The typical, “I know I can forgive you, I just don’t know
if I can trust you” is a contradiction. I, myself, fell victim into this sometimes.
Forgiveness, from what I’ve learned and believe, should be offered unconditionally. If you
have something attached or rules connected to it, then it isn’t forgiveness. Trust,
on the other hand, is something that is earned – it is what I heard others say
is a “prized possession” in a way.
If you’ve been given promises that haven’t happen or some
who say they are looking out for me but
really want something in return, I’ve often made the mistake of “letting go”
too easily thinking forgiveness means trust.
Thinking about it now, I realized I was wrong – forgiveness is a process
in itself. Once you reach that stage of forgiveness with no conditions, then you have the choice to build the trust with that person.
In searching around to see if others felt the same way, several blogs have written about it. One particular line from a blog refers to a variety of sources, including the Scripture, when talking about this. However, there was one line that sums up the whole thing: you can
forgive freely, but the “currency of any relationship is trust”.
I couldn't agree more - if you don’t have this in your joint account, it will end up in
bankruptcy. Although the confusion has caused some hurt in my life, I’ve growing
to realize now that I’m rich in the small circle of people that I can be open
and trusting to. Thanks for listening to my growing pains.
::drops mic::
::exits stage left::
